Try and try

So today I finally wake up to the ultimate truth.  There is just the effort.  My face has a life of its own  sometimes it behaves sometimes it doesn't.  Like life trying to not turn into a dinosaur is a everyday effort.  I mean no longer looking for miracles but hoping that  I don't get off the try wagon.
So eating right is the new mantra.  No fatty stuff but home cooked food.  Making the right choice is more important than  giving  myself  a ultimatum.....
My better half got me a new phone and this phone loves me......

Working out is the only salvation.....have fallen off the wagon and the one kilo I had lost is back....eating right has helped me keep it at 60kgs.....two weeks till D Day ...

The lost race.....

If I had worked so hard on maths I probably would not be shocked each time I get my salary cheque.
Weight loss after 30 is a uphill task, the only time I have regretted being a wild child is when my nostrils get the better of me and I shove down tasty oily food and intoxicating divine liquor.

Last to last week I got my act together and hit the gym, food was also strictly controlled not till the moment I starved I just manged to stick to soup and fruits for dinner and presto one kilo weight loss the damn scale moved from 60 kilo to 59 and I have never been so happy, the face stopped being a swollen tomato and actual evolved a nose.

One alcohol party and easter later my face is lost again in fat and I dont have the balls to get on the scale. May is a wedding month with two close friends getting married and I had dreamed of being hot and happening that is now a distant dream I am shuddering even thinking about the depression I am going to feel when I look like a roll of wool rolled in the sari.

I have two weeks to go and I am expecting a miracle...... will keep you updated

Shopping Terror

Shopping is the worst curse when you are a balloon. There was hope today as the tshirt fit without making me cringe at the blob of mass called a stomach. With this fact in place I dared to do the inevitable go shopping. I have returned depressed, all the pretty stuff looks shit on you, especially the short and figure hugging , obviously they are made for a figure and not a drum.

If I could I would roll this whole trying to lose weight in a ball and throw it right out of the window. The image of  obese hands and a whole entity for a stomach made me throw the thought out of the window. Exercise is a must and it is on agenda hopefully should make it on Monday.

A new addition to the chicken recipe.... I added a dash of orange juice to the sticky residue post grilling masala marianted chicken and it turned out to be  a yummy sauce to go with brown bread. 

Feel like Winning.... Maybe

One of the reasons I love this whole life business is because complete strangers can in a few hours can transform into some great buddies. Its amazing how much can be common with somebody you are meeting for the same time. That's life and despite all the shit that happens moments like these make it totally worthwhile.

Last Saturday saw me break a lot of rules, the biggest pitfall of growing up is being all goody two shoes because in that world you have to be bothered about what people think about you. Something I have never been good at, finally I think I have somewhere controlled the wild horse that I ride on and it is somewhat accustomed to the white picket fence.
The diet story here is there was beer and beer and beer. Wine was missing and I loved it, the free pass that budget got was made the most of and ended with a rocking, drunk, crazy party. The love handles and overgrown ass was flowing too but who cares when you are floating on watery nirvana.
The body was into shock as it relived it college crazy and for the whole week it ate thinking it was in its twenties. So chai, juices, khakhra ( diet chappati ) and fruits fruits fruits ofcourse soup and one meal chappati and veggies.
This week was good in short I want to think my face is no longer a football, I hope my body stays confused atleast for two more weeks. Am thinking of posting videos of the diet food that I cook, considering that my taste buds are aristocracy and weight a ongoing battle , my attempts could be of some help to the millions who try and swim across this deep ocean of flab,

Once more we try climb the mountain

The budget is over and post its hangover I am back once again hoping to what seems by now an impossible task. But here I am again on a Thursday after four days of me thinking that I have been a good girl. Eggs are over and I have been lazy so breakfast has been coffee. Lunch is what I have not skipped at all. In fact if I am hungry I eat three instead of two  chapattis south Indian food  seems to be a very good friend ( I never thought that in my life ). So if you are one and your mommy is feeding you idli and dosas dont refrain its filling and you dont crave anything till dinner.
I have been able to stick to soup and a fruit in the night which I have not been able to do in the past two months of dieting.
The weekend is here and its the festival of colors, samosas and jalebis are a must alongwith a peg of whiskey. Dont know if I should give in...knowing me I probably will life is about moments even though I want to lose weight I dont want to lose precious moments.
As I plan the upcoming holiday I imagine myself in all the "Holiday" clothes I have, not very convinced, the photos are going to be terrible with my paunch and fat face. My aim is going to be at least to get the fat of my face, the rest can be managed with new shopping.
lesson learned the hard earned weightloss is not to be sacrificed at the alter of work its not worth it. Nobody cares a shit about good work its all about ego baby, your self torture for a non tamatar (tomato) look is worth much more than the hell you bring upon urself with stress eating. Do what you can do without it and that should be enough.

My best friend 1

Best friend 2

The budget stole my Hotness

Not that I consider myself hot, but damn I had tortured my food senses to lose the three kilos that I did. This year I was happy that I did not have to work on the union budget because that would mean I get to keep my hard earned face thinness. That was not to be, this is the second week of tearing my hair apart, eating chips, oily fried snacks, liters of  coke and coffee and of course how can we forget rice.

The one thing we  forget in our quest for the waist that looks good in a transparent sari is stress !!!! there is not much getting away from it. I am stress eating and I know that it is short lived ( Till the end of the week ) but it has already destroyed my two months of Mehant ( hardwork )

Me -  Budget Day 'then"

I have exactly two months to lose Five kilos and I am going to try try try ..... so from Monday I am going to work hard towards that...Tune in.... 

The dhobhi ( washerman ) and me

So my stomach has a identity of its own and I refuse to let it see the world. Its time my salwar kameez's see the light of day. Budget is around the corner and with it my stress levels, getting rich people to talk on how they can get more rich is a very difficult task *yeah*
Climbing mount Everest would be easier than dieting, Desperately trying not to stress eat though, tried eating fruits but there but there seems to be a co relation between stress and fried,baked foods.
The dhobhi ( one man laundry ) happened to look at the weighing scale and couldn't resist the urge.
He is 62kg and wailed at his plight. " main toh kitna kaam khata hoon phir bhi itna mota hoon " ( I work so had and yet I am so fat, ) lekin main sab khata hoon ( but I eat everything ) Badi ma ( mother ) being the soft hearted person that she is offered condolences arrey madhu 60kg hai over woh khati bhi nahin ( madhu is 60kg and she doesnt eat ! )

The cause and effect

Back to Square 1

The hopes of achieving a hot and happening figure crash by the minute. After having a peek to the could be, I am back to square one. The number I began with, once again has come to give me company. Learning is that life will have to be lived in strict pursuit and that is a deal which I am not ready to make.
I have not gone all out crazy I have watched what I have eaten even if its not my usual plan. But things have gone to hell  anyways. I mean isn't it enough that hangovers have the capability of lasting bloody two whole days and during those two days you just hate the world and every living and non living thing in it. In addition to that the alcohol transforms into fat overnight.
Drinking like a fish is no longer worth it, and I must admit that I have become a old fart who sips wine not because of the intricacies of taste but because plain " abhi daru nahin pachti " I cant deal with the horror it brings with it and I am certainly not talking about the 3am drunk dial to friends.
Bottom line is I haves swollen over night and we now need to see whether it disappears like a bad manicure or stays like a bad haircut.

My bloated fat face

The heartless evil weighing scale

Deep down I knew looking at the scale would just break my heart. Its best that you not look at reality and live in a world of your own. Happiness is in your mind so is your weight . The right weight is when you look at yourself in the mirror and smile.
The fat face that stared at me from a photograph at a poetry reading haunted me throughout the night. In that moment I knew that there was  along way to go. The scale sneered at me today and the took a wrecking ball to  my confidence fifty eight kilos the needle  threatened to escape to fifty nine and I could literally feel my breath escape. I was sixty kilos when I began this journey a month ago.
Its valentines day soon precisely eight days... the weekend is here and there is noway in hell I am skipping my wine and kebab. Next week is going to be a busy one, with a week long conference which is going to last a whole day so dont know how I am going to manage the diet  so dont know WHAT I M GOING TO DO !!!!! I AM GOING TO LOOK LIKE A FAT UGLY COW on V day.
Next week is going to need a lot of strength and a miracle.
yesterday breakfast was three white eggs, lunch was lettuce chicken sandwich and dinner was chicken sauteed .

I am lazy as hell and this exercise regime is what I attempt when I am trying to lose weight. I lasted only 14 mins of this 20 mins. My feet hurt and I am currently a complete loser.
Today was roast chicken sandwich for lunch, one roast chicken leg for dinner and Bhel.

DAY 31 - A new exercise regime !!!!

So I think I am eating right and drinking lots of water which actually makes me less hungry but this water business is possible only if you are working from home. Because if you are going to go to the loo a hundred time it better be across the room and it better be pretty.
Lunch was interesting saffola oats  garnished with finely chopped onions and little pickle.and steamed masala chickem ( The recipe is on this blog ).
Evening Snack was a diet khakra ( Indian flat bread thinly rolled and cooked stiff ) to all my friends who are reading this dont roll your eyes the whole world is not Indian though it could be Gujarati so this is for the non gujrati, non Indians who dont know what khakra is.
Lastly dinner was

I know what you are thinking and I will agree that is too much I cut extra veggies so what to do ??? two is enough (though I finished it all ). So one thin coat of sandwich spread and barbeque sauce, two slices of Salami, tomato, cucumber, onion and lettuce Viola. Was quite filling.

Green tea is my night cap. Lets see how much does it help. 

I did start exercise. I washed both my bathrooms, my feet and hands hurt. 

Now I know why my mom was always so hot and happening. so my exercise regime is going to be housework. Clean Clem Clean. Lets see how that comes along

  

Day 30 the blues of it.

My last blog got deleted ! fuck I mean thats why I hate this technology shit I mean books dont bloody disappear ! had to repost it. I need to find a way to blog from the phone without shit disappearing.
Water water water thats the mantra and breakfast. three white eggs, lunch was steamed chicken and one and a half chappati, dinner was supposed to be good girl but pani puri seduced me and I cheated then covered it up with a subway but just because you have sex with the person u are married to after you have fucked somebody else doesnot make you feel better.
You have screwed up. Period

Day 29 !!! Fuck Lets do this !!!! Haiya Ho !

The club gym was closed so I dont have a number yet ! ya ya I am terrible, on a weight loss spree and have not invested in a weighing scale yet... somehow frankly I dont want to buy one. ..its like a demon I have to face once in a month so why invite it in my home.


So its one month and the verdict is awaited, the number I am going to post tomorrow here are the before and after photo's after a month. You decide for me whether I am getting somewhere before the scale does !

Out of the ten days I had disappeared three days which includes the last weekend has been whiskey, fish and rice. the rest seven days, the magic of breakfast has been discovered by me which is mostly egg whites and a sandwich, lunch is vegetable and 2 chappatis and dinner is hopefully a soup one out of two times but If not then chicken salad along with the soup.

If you are staring at my cheeks and wondering why the hell are they still there.  I was born with them. It was cute when I was a kid and made my parents very proud when random strangers pulled them thinking it was a way of paying me a complement when it came very close to being manhandled.

Now they are just a bloody nuisance when you are bloody killing your soul by not eating chips  you want to look HOT not bloody cute.

After !

Before 

Day 19 !!!!

Morning vegetable soup. Afternoon two khakhra (chappati made crisp ). Snack sev puri. Dinner soup YAY !!!!!!!

Day 18 damn how time flies

Mercury is retrogade and my life is going to be run by a Satan Saturn it takes forever for work to get done. You appreciate luck when it a goes away. Most of the. time you take it for granted.
This diet thing mayvfinally work. Have some what of a control on what I wat. Eggs for breakfasy . two chappatis and vegetables for lunch one apple at four and one dosa at 8.
 And of course lotsbans lots of water

Day 17 is this hell

Had cornflakes today for the first time in my life finished the whole bowl. It was stIll yuck !!!!plain milk post 30 is still yuck !!!!
Something is wrong with the blogger can't upload photos so gyan will have to do today. So cornflakes breakfast. Veg sandwhich lunch one apple and chicken salad for Dinner. The maid did not turn up again !!!!! So had no option but to eat takeout healthy type food. This diet stuff is much better when u are living with your mommy.
Being fat was not hell enough that levels of depression got raised with the mentally agonising advent of pimples.
Its like puberty went to take a walk and arrived at my door after a world tour. Damn for someone who always had clear skin pimples are literally the punishment of all sins possible.
Antibiotocs dont seem to work. The dark marks left behind just remind me of my mortality or of the fact that beauty is bloody skin deep.
Tried lemon and honey mask and it did help. Then I did the stupidity of mixing nutmeg and cinnamon powder to it thinking it will help and it got me back to square one.
Damn I just hate everything right now. This seems fun hating the whole world I wonder if there is a age for it. Wonder will it suit me. Considering I am suffering the side effects that usually are diagnosed to that of a teenager I earn the right to hate the world in all its available combinations and permutations !

Day 16

Contemplating weighing tommorrow don't know if I should. Day 2 of eating right was pretty good. I finally understand the importance of breakfast

That is poha rice flakes. It was terrible I completely screwed it up. But thank god it was edible.

Lunch was supposed to be sandwhich but ate boiled Chole with chutney and soup. Dinner was one chappati and watermelon. Oh and I forgot green tea at 4. This green tea thing also seems to work because I could feel my stomach work a little overtime. It seemed to gurgle

Anuja who is a super cool

 friend called to tick me of on the previously

 No head and tail diet. That kept me away from the sev puri which beckoned me with love and affection .Day two of sensible diet seems right on track.

Day 15 a new dawn !

My good friend Amit

Who has been on the weight loss wagon from a very long time and has lost some 30 Kgs has been the sacha dost and has written a one week diet. day one was goday and has been pretty cool ! Two glassed of water. Two egg whites, two chapatis and sabji, one apple, green tea 

And nuts and chickeb salad at dinner. 

Did not feel like eating the whole world at any point of time best part did not binge or suffer !!!!!!

DAY 14......

This Sunday the stomach forced me into eating just a watermelon in the afternoon by night I was so irritable I could feel my head thumping with the need to eat.
Dinner was roomali roti. Kebab and curry. I am going to probably die on the pot tommorrow.
What do u think. Is this me owning my weight ????

Day 13 THats how you do it !

Considering that I am tipsy with wine this blogspot is bloody difficult. Nobody seems to read this unless I promote this so this is going to be short. Its been a weird day PMS is Here so I can kill somebody. My husband does not get it after some 14 yes so looks like it's going to be one of those I can kill you fights men can be so demented
Lunch was nachos

That is the nachos I ate while I watcheys the theory of everything brilliant movie I nearly cried. 

Dinner was sev puri and wine. That's the end of the day watching the interview and craving a bloody ciggerate today

Day 12 Already !

Currently sstaring at my very fat stomach and wondering when the hell did it grow so big. I see no hope of it going anywhere.

Lunch was 

Dinner was not on my mind and that was supposed to make my happy but somehow it did not not being hungry depresses me . A A light snack was all it was supposed to be.

But then who could predict what destiny has stored for you . 

There is hope always not now but maybe tommorrow if you have done it once you can do it again and if you have not then dude when the hell are you going to

The loss of not losing Day 11

Having a fucked stomach is hell. I have learned to not hate it too much because it's nature's way of forcing me to detox. In other words to stop stuffing my face for at least sometime.
Last month when gastroenteritis came knocking at my door the only solace was the two kilos I will lose. When nothing like that happened the suffering of that fact turned out to be more irritating than living on apple and buttermilk for a week.
The stomach kicked my ass again today. This was lunch

In defiance of a loveless stomach bug I then ate 

These balls of jaggery and sesame seeds can ruin a already ruined stomach. But I was in mood of a protest.
Dinner was supposed to special because of the harvest festival pongal. But sleep beckoned at a very unusual time and I had to give in to its command.
Beans and chappati was dinner with a special treat of pineapple sheera in less ghee and sugar

Seems like I am going to have to learn to own my weight ! So after ten days of hoping to battle and win my food demons looks like the loss is currently mine.

Day 10 dedicated to friends !

Today has been about friendship. In my life friends have always been synonymous with the best things in life.
Food and conversation go hand in hand. The spice of contemplation mixed with the sweet of nostalgia creates moments which makes happiness eternal.
Lunch was at Bombay blues phoenix and was disappointing as hell.

shaslik sizzler just ate the chicken skewers and the side vegetables. Not bad could have been worst and had eaten  the rice.

Dinner was a delight ! Tried shanty for the first time ! Beer mixed with lemonade not bad I must say. A heart to heart with friends a plate of heartful biryani

Day 9 came and went

There are days when you realise the mundaneness of life. Today was one of those days. It sat somewhere completely bored of itself. life needs a purpose every event in our life builds that purpose birth, education, career,marriage, children.
In my case it is trying to control food.
Couldn't  control the urge for one more chappati in the afternoon 

Then suddenly you surprise yourself. Dinner was an apple and soup. Its good when you can surprise yourself that means there is a long road ahead and at any turn you will emerge a Katrina kaif

Monday day 8 - Life is perfect as is

I am not going to crib about how fat I am looking or how difficult it was to stay away from food.
Today I want us to just remember how beautiful all of us are. How lucky we are to be able to get out of bed every day and know that we look the way we look.

Today I want all the men who read this blog to look at their women and feel lucky. To have and to hold forever. I want them to not look at her and feel  where the hell all that weight came from, or how hot she looked in school, college or a few years before or look at her flabby stomach and yearn for Kareena Kapoor's flat stomach.

Today look at her and be thankful that she is healthy, hold her her hand and kiss her on her forehead and tell her that you love her .Look up at the heavens and pray that you will never ever have to see her suffer.

sunday happiness before monday day 7

Today is Sunday the day made by god himself to rest. My body takes this day very seriously. It decides to sleep the day away literally !
Thevitamins the doc has prescribed seem to be helping as they take me through the week and I dont imagine a fluffy bed of white in the middle of a working day.
Two people we start listening to when its pretty late the doctor and the mother.
So a sleepy day began with no milk in the house and I yearned for the elusive chai .
Afternoon lunch was

MIlk appeared in the evening and so did the elusive chai.it was one of those I am fat days. The Bollywood awards event I was watching on TV was supposed to make me feel bad but somehow the actresses seemed to be a buxom lot ! Sonakshi sinha totally rocked the weight so did huma qureshi ! I don't need to have a 28 waist I just have to get rid of a blobby stomach !and maybe some fat over this face

 With that thought dinner was

there was strawberry ice cream apologies for the photo not being here because before I knew it I ate the whole thing

With that comes to end Sunday. Tomorrow is Monday damn already.

Its the day to be merry ! 6

Its the weekend the two days that take you through the other five days. Saturday is my cheat day. The day that takes me through my diet quest for the next six days.
I eat what I want !!!!!
Today was the dress test but didn't go for the party. I didn't know that I was not going till evening so was careful not to bing on pizza or something which would make my stomach bloat so settled for

Chappati sabji and launcha (pickle)

Afternoon was siesta fiesta. Nothing is as precious and satisying as deep sleep. Evening was romedy now !!!! And I had some cherished company 

Don't have to tell you those are chips and the gorgeous golden thing giving company is whiskey in water. 

Was really looking forward towards dinner but got completely screwed on that ordered a chicken egg roll from kebabs and curries and it sucked.

Its bloody criminal when the one meal you look forward for a week gets fucked.

Well as all weekends they bloody come and go and you don't realise. 

Looks like I may cook tommorrow let's see..

Live for another Day ! Din 5

Ideally I don't like people to see my Hyde side but today they caught me before my cup of coffee.
My patience with pricks comes solely from the huge mug of coffee I down in the morning. Today was not that morning and the side of me which usually gets lulled with caffeine decided to come and play.
It took me a cutting chai to finally stop doing tandav. Which obviously meant I got screwed today on my mission diet.
I somewhat managed to salvage the situation by sticking to my eggs and fruit for lunch

Soon It was 8pm and I  was not hungry !!!!!!!! On the way back home I even went past the chaat wala with just one glance. My undoing was the samosa conversation that the girl sitting next to me on the train was having with my friend..

The walk towards the rickshaw stand was slightly painful. It was then that I saw him he was white and so supple. I looked at him and that was when my hunger took control of me I envisioned him pan seared in a butter sauce with slight seasoning  the rabbit looked so yummy ! Even when that man disappeared with him in the cage all I could think of was how tasty he would be.

Depressed at not being able to eat him I ate the below for dinner

One Tandoori roti with mushroom sabji

.

Chicken Breast with saute vegetables.

The depression I felt when I was getting ready for dinner and saw the blob of jiggling mass called Madhu's stomach was monetarily forgotten as I swam in the river of taste. While writing this currently I am looking down at it and just have about given up.

Tomorrow I am going to attend a party and there is this dress, there is always THAT DRESS....Like there is always that one man. This dress is going going to play a great role in making or breaking my till now dodgy attempt to lose weight

There is hope DAY 4

The day began pretty hopeless when one of your friends is a foodie the invention of whatsapp more or less dooms your life. Morning began with a cup of tea, something to do with the fog outside and my heart reminiscing days in Chandigarh. Hunger was in check and I was so proud.
That is till this man

Sid My Foodie friend

Made me wince in a moment by sending this 

In that moment the smell of ghee and lightly roasted potatoes mixed and cooked with sabudana made me close my eyes and just hate myself just a little more. The fact that I looked like this did not help.

If  you think that this woman is looking thin is because I have involuntarily sucked my stomach in. Plus the color helps unfortunately I can't wear black so dark blue it is.

Forgot lunch. Which turned about to be a good idea because I ordered chicken salad ! Did not eat the tortillas on top.
Did not get hungry at all time 9p.m halleluja ! That was a miracle. By that time I had reached home I quickly fixed myself my diet sandwich !

Six whistles in the cooker No oil at all and tastes yummy as hell . little barbecue sauce .little onion and toast taiyar ! p.s marinate and keep overnight

So when the man I introduced you earlier send this at night 

I did not flinch ! There is finally hope !!!!

I could live with u DAY 3

The day began with me feeling thin. Weight like feelings has its good days and bad. So I woke up looked in the mirror and thought Madhu today u don't have to look at yourself and go he bhagwan !

Aj main thin hoon

The eggs were where they were,  so two for breakfast. Today was work from home so lunch should have been creative . That was before the doctor was half an hour late.. There should be a rule against allowing the staff to eat vada pav at a pharmacy, common man half of the guys who come there can't eat that stuff how cruel can you get. The vadapav was the devil tempting me with its glimpse of heaven I swayed for a second. The toast sandwhich stall outside was my salvation. "Bhaiya butter ekdum kam " made me proud of myself.

What is missing there is a boiled egg which I tried eating with sauce. How the

 Mighty fall it's not bad but not a great idea either. So till now the day is behaving itself

The night is a few hours away

Looks can be deceiving the toast has a hint of spread so that I don't have to regret life itself. Vegetable soup and some ten million vitamins the doc suggested. Because I am 30 and as a solution for the exhaustion I feel. Some ten kilos lighter after dieting forever I could have lived with " you need vitamins " but  after eating accha khanna and being a cow this is truly depressing.  I contemplated not putting that photo up. But then what the fuck.That is reality if this is halat at 30 I dont want to even think of 50. Sometimes I think god is a twenty year old kid who hated his parents. 

By the way Jennifer Anniston says she eats everything just works a little hard 

Seriously ! Look at her

 In school those bloody scholar children used to say I only study two hours a day !